There are few roles in life more challenging than raising a child. Moreover, parenting is one of the most emotionally activating experiences of many parents lives, with a recent survey finding 70% of parents reported moderate to very high levels of psychological distress (Gandy, McLellan & Tapp, 2018). Yet while parents are inundated with advice and opinions on many of the practical elements of parenting from breastfeeding, sleep, to education and developmental milestones, there is often little guidance provided on how to navigate the emotional challenges. This has unfortunately meant that many parents have had to cope with the difficulties of this role alone, and often feel ashamed if they find aspects challenging.
Unsurprisingly, there is evidence to suggest that parental mental health is related to children’s long term mental health outcomes. Children whose parents experienced high levels of psychological distress more likely to experience social-emotional difficulties later in life (Rioseco, Warren & Daraganova, in press). Therefore, supporting parents not only benefits their own mental health but also that of their child.
One way in which parental wellbeing impacts children is through attachment. Attachment theory, originally developed in the 1930’s by John Bowlby, refers to the evolutionary process whereby children have a universal need to seek proximity to their caregiver in order to survive. This theory has become one of the most robust theories in psychology, informing both child an adult therapy, as the quality of an individual’s early attachment with a parent is cited as one of the key predictors of child wellbeing and development. A healthy attachment with a caregiver allows children the secure base to explore, learn and relate to their world. It is linked to safety, emotion regulation, adaptability, resilience and self-esteem. Moreover, disruption in early attachment is thought to be implicated a range of paediatric health conditions, as well as physical and psychological ill-health in adulthood.
While the importance of attachment is clear, it can be difficult to form a secure attachment with your child, particularly for parents who have experienced trauma, abuse, neglect, or other harmful interactions with their own caregiver as a child. Unfortunately, if an individual has not been helped to heal from these experiences adequately, becoming a parent can serve as a reminder, which can trigger a range of distressing emotions, believes, and coping behaviours which interfere with the parent’s capacity to meet their child’s needs. This is often what can lead to intergenerational parenting difficulties.
Therapy can help parents become aware of their own reactions and patterns, as well learn to manage them effectively. It can also assist parents to understand how their own emotional states interact with those of their child, as well as serving as a safe space for them to unpack, process and health from unhelpful experiences in their own childhood. Furthermore, therapy can equip parents with knowledge about the emotional needs of their child as well as practical ways to meet these needs.
Strategies that can strengthen attachment between child and parent
Provide your child with affection e.g. praise, physical touch
Create rituals with your child that are for the two of you
Set aside at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted time a day to spend time with your child doing something they enjoy
Set boundaries, rules and consequences
Be aware of your emotional reactions as a parent and take time to reflect on their cause
Repair after conflict (including acknowledging when a parent has made a mistake)
Avoid criticising your child
Seek help yourself if needed
If you have any questions or are looking for support, please get in touch to discuss.
